As a child, God felt like my Father.
In high school, God felt like my friend and Savior.
In college, He was my (re-)Creator and in many ways the gardener to my soul.
After I graduated college, I learned what it means to fear God.
Lately, God feels like my ever-gracious Master more than ever before.
As I venture everyday deeper and deeper into my twenties, I look forward to seeing how my relationship with Him continues to change. Throughout my walk, through my struggles, rebellions, and even in the peaceful moments, I have asked a lot of Him.
Lately, I've been praying for justice, for strength, for my friends and family, for health for a very sick little boy, and for a potentially very difficult time for some loved ones in the near future.
While all of these things are honorable and, in my mind, desperately important, I recall a sermon I heard my first week of college on the word "amen."
Meaning "so be it."
I ask all of these things boldly in His name trusting Him to provide, but whatever.
I struggle to wonder what is His will and what happens apart from His will, but in the end I am finally learning to trust that He will redeem anything that happens apart from His will.
Whatever happens, regardless of how much sense it makes or how much pain it causes, I will be faithful just as He has been to me.
God, Let me glorify Your name whether my prayers are answered or not.
I trust You to be ultimately just and merciful in whatever happens.
As long as I've been a Christian I've struggled to be at peace with the bigger picture. I want things fixed and I want them fixed now. I'm not asking selfish things, just for righteousness--or what I hope is righteousness. But then I remember that it's not about me. It's not about any of us.
It's not about God taking sides, but taking over whether we get my prayers answered or not.
Do you struggle with this?
Is it easy for you say "whatever" to God? Why or why not?