Friday, January 8, 2010

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

I was driving earlier today in the snow with my iPod on shuffle and Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah came on. I wasn't really in that kind of mood, but with the snow falling on my windshield it the peacefulness of the song fit perfectly into the serene scenery.

I was really struck by the lyrics:

Love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
It's not a cry you hear at night
It's not someone who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Listening to these words and taking in the moment, it occurred to me that this is one of the happiest times of my life. No, it's not without trial and tribulation, but all things considered, I have great friends, great family, I'm in love, and I feel like my future looks bright. However, it was just over a year ago that I felt so far from where I am today. I had my friends and family, but instead of celebrating life with them, I was mourning a loss of myself and frightened to the very core of my being that with the death of my old self, there would be nothing. In all reality, I was broken.

It may sound weird to say, but I feel like I really identify with these lyrics not because my I feel "cold and broken" at the moment, but because I've been there and I learned what Hallelujah means to me. It's knowing that in the deepest darkest moments, God not only loves you, but He surrounds you with loved ones. What's more, living on the other side of that, I may not feel the need for their support as much, but I am so much more aware of God's love and the love of my dear ones that looking back to those bittersweet times makes me feel alive and so humbled.

"And every breath we drew was Hallelujah"



Brainless said...

great post. i know ive been to that broken place. coming out of it is almost surreal

xoxoKrysten said...

Really good post lady. Love.

Age said...

Well, that's just lovely. Glad you're in a better place. And I'm jealous of the whole "snow on the windshield thing" - sounds awesome.

lovejoy.jennywren said...

Amen, sister! :) great post, colie!!

Anonymous said...

So wonderful! I know exactly how you feel, I love that song, and sometimes even when you're not in the mood, the moment hits. I love it! :-)