Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Deepest Longing of My Heart

On Easter Sunday I went to Fellowship and the point of the message was hope. And something I really appreciated being reminded of by Lloyd is the fact that in the Biblical definition of hope, "there is no such thing as painless hope, but in our pain our hope is real. They go together."

Maybe it's the fact that I tend to be an all or nothing/now or never kind of person, but I find myself again and again and again longing for peace only He can provide. I just feel like sometimes I am so acutely aware of and deeply disappointed by my own humanity I feel swallowed whole by a world that is not my home. However, then I remember the fact that my humanity and the consequences of living in it is what I have been saved from. I've been washed white as snow and I have a home... I'm just not there yet. 

I am only hoping for Jesus. Not love. Not happiness. Not friends. Not money. Not fame. Not stability. Just Jesus. That's all I want and I pray when and if I ever again put something before Him that He would remove it like He already has so many times, because I just want Him. I just want peace.

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