There are about six guys, probably in their twenties and/or thirties, all drinking coffee and smoking very strong smelling cigarettes, sitting on the porch next to me (the weather is nice so it's crowded) talking about their relationships. I love this because I feel like it's rare for me to be able to hear real guy talk without influencing what is being said due to my presence, as a female. Therefore, naturally I had to blog about it.
(Blog... what a silly word).
The man in the funny hat is telling everyone how his girl friend and he have been dating for over a year and he is upset because he feels like she apparently treats him like he "isn't enough" for her. He hasn't proposed yet and he isn't doing enough and he doesn't have the right job, etc., etc., etc.
His friend in the green shirt, however, brought up a good point. Sometimes we don't have everything in our lives together (oh man, that's another blog all together: being in the "right place" for a relationship/marriage. hmm to be continued...) but when you're with someone and they don't support you in anything you do it really makes you question, "What am I doing with this person?" Or in his words, "If she doesn't have your back and support your self and your soul, what are you doing with her?" Profound. I know. I wasn't expecting it either.
And honestly, I think the man in the green shirt hit the nail right on the head. And while I'm no expert, obviously, here is my weigh-in:
It's all about how we treat each other.
Do you want a good relationship? Well it helps to find someone you click with, because you can't fake chemistry, and good circumstances really help... a lot (maybe more than we realize). But at the end of the day when you find two people who come together and form a relationship based off of an attitude of, "Hey, you know what? I like you. I think you're wonderful. And I know you're a screw up and you're going to keep screwing up. I'm a screw up and I'm going to keep screwing up. But that's okay and we'll figure this out. I want to support you and help you understand that you were put here on this earth for a reason and you are valuable. I want to work together to build a life that is honoring to God and is based directly out of His love and I want to treat you the way God would be happy with me for treating you. All I want is for you to excel, be yourself, and I' going to do whatever I can to treat you well. No secret motives. No hidden agendas. No using or abusing. I just want to be here for you and with you. "
Call me idealistic, but if both parties treated the other one that way, I'd say that's a pretty healthy place to begin.
And why is this SO HARD for us??? Well, I know it all goes back to a snake in a garden and I know, from personal experience, we'll never get it completely right. But I think it's such a shame if we don't try with everything we have and then to realize that Jesus will fill in the cracks.