Sunday, January 11, 2009

Growing Pains

Sometimes I'm so thankful for the blessings, friends, and everything that I am, have, and can be. Sometimes (like now) I'm just very aware that I'm in a very rough part of life. Sometimes I just wish Jesus would come back now so I don't have to deal with the pain and the questions of worth. Sometimes I just wish I could have my faith in love and people back. I'm getting tired of crying. 

I had a friend compare our walk with God to running up the down escalator--if you're standing still you are going down. But I don't know that he's right. If he is I'm screwed, but I have not the strength nor the will in my heart and soul to run. With a heart so broken, ALL I want to do is rest it and pray that someday it will be okay. That being said, I like to think of my walk with God as taking me on a hike up a mountain. I'm higher up than I used to be, but right now I need Him to carry me. Because I can't do it on my own. I just can't. 

And the funny thing is that although sometimes I feel like I don't have the strength to do anything but exist, I have a feeling... I'm on my way to where I need to be, somewhere wonderful and somewhere where I'll be okay... and maybe the best/scariest part is I'm not walking, just being carried and that is oddly comforting. 

"Finally free, finally strong,
Somewhere back where I belong" - Switchfoot 

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