Friday, December 26, 2008

I Don't Know Why You Didn't Come

I've decided that it is best to be honest with God. I know He has everything under control, I know He is good, I know He is there, but honestly He does things I don't understand. Or maybe He lets things happen. I don't know. I do know one thing, He has taken me too far for me to deny His existence or to be so naive as to think that He would have brought me this far to forget me. I know I am loved and prized by my Savior, but I feel so confused by Him. 

I thought we had things all figured out, God and me that is. I prayed and I prayed for one thing and I got the answer, or so I thought. And now that it has changed, I can't help but wonder what the last two years have been all about. Growth. duh. I'll figure that one out eventually. I see it already, but it still doesn't make sense. Patience. duh. Understanding... hopefully? I guess that is what I want most of all in life right now. I feel I need understanding to start tearing down some walls, and maybe to build some bridges. But the cruel part is I don't think that I'm going to get that.. at least not anytime soon. I know God uses what man means for evil and turns it into good. I know that He never fails and He saves the day. I know in the midst of all of the sky falling in on us all, maybe we are blind to it, but God is always right there.  I know all of this, but I still don't get why some things happen. 

Until then I'm yours faithfully, God, but right now, I'll be honest and tell you: I don't get it. I know you didn't let me go, but why did it feel that way? I know you are here now, but help me see the big picture. Maybe it's not my place to know right now, but I need to see You in this. 

I don't want to be a soldier 
Who the captain of some sinking ship
Would stow, far below

So, if you love me,
Why'd you let me go?

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