Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hello, Goobye

I know you may not want to see me
on your way down from the clouds
Would you hear me if I told you
That my heart is there now

She's only happy in the sun
She's only happy in the sun

Did find what you were after?
The pain and the laughter brought you to your knees
But if the sun sets you free, sets you free
You'll be free indeed, Indeed

She's only happy in the sun
She's only happy in the sun

Every time I hear you laughing, I hear you laughing
It makes me cry
Like a story of life, of your life
Is hello, goodbye

She's only happy in the sun
She's only happy in the sun 

Friday, October 24, 2008

Sex... it's easier than love.

I truly think the word "love" has been so terribly watered down. It isn't sex. It isn't happy feelings. It isn't something you fall into and out of. It is the word that describes the very essence of God Himself. It is SHOWING the commitment of love. 

Feelings are wonderful, but they do not constitute love. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding what is temporarily kind and what is loving. I think they go hand in hand in most cases, but it sometimes becomes a gray area. That is where it is hard, but I suppose hind-site is what we have to learn from. Love is hard and I think if we really, truly, and honestly loved people it might stink for a little while... or a long while, but when we really want what is best for our "neighbor", we are finally loving them. When we do what honors God, we truly love Him. 

No matter how others act, respond, don't respond, fight, hate, or take advantage, just keep remembering:

Love is a verb. 

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Gender social commentary

I feel that this is a very honest attempt at a difficult subject to address.

By Beyonce

Watch the WHOLE thing before reading.

I'm an English major and anyone who knows me knows that my last desire in the world is to bash men or any particular man. And I don't watch/listen to this and think, "Haha, yes! Boo men." Not at all. I think God has made only beautiful creations and I would never intend to say that men are all pigs or anything of the sort. 

However, I think this is a truly beautiful piece of social commentary. It speaks to something that I think guys don't... and maybe can't (?) get. And this song is coming from a married woman, which makes it all the more interesting. I don't think any male will ever truly understand or be able to estimate the fragility of the female heart. That doesn't mean we are weak. It doesn't mean that men are "bad". I just think that it was really brave of Beyonce to take such a bold step out and show the world what so many of us have been trying to say for so long. 

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I feel so thankful today.
I feel so free.

Thank God for Jesus.
Thank God for second chances. 
Thank God for life. :-) 

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but right now I am content and happy with who I am in Christ. I'm finding that I had so much more strength than I thought I did... or would have had. Maybe if I had known that all along, things would have been different, but as crazy as it sounds, I'm thankful for the difficult moments just as much as I am for the easy ones. 

I wonder... how could I be sad when God has blessed me with another day? How could I cry when His glory is within me? I'm not sad and I'm not crying because when everything else in life abandons me, I'm learning, that Jesus is forever mine. When I do feel hurt, it almost feels silly... not because it isn't valid, but because compared to the love of my Father it all just seems so small. 

But maybe that's why I wonder, I secretly do wonder, if betrayal feels as good as some make it look. My guess is no, but I hope we all (myself included) can find peace in Christ despite mistakes or shortcomings. That being said, I can't help but love even those who I feel have betrayed me in life. It's almost as if God has given me a new set of eyes. I'm not interested in justice, that isn't my place. Right here, right now I'm just thankful to be given the opportunity to love my neighbor as myself. I thought I knew for sure who my hero was, but I see so clearly now that even a hero can fail you.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to realize my happiness does not lie in anyone or anything in this world, but in Christ alone. I pray that when others disappoint us, we don't get angry but realize that they are souls that need love just as much as we do. 

"Do not love this world not the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever." - 1 John 2:15-17 

Too alarming now to talk about
Take your pictures down and shake it out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

Don't the best of them bleed it out
While the rest of them peter out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero 
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

Kudos my hero, leaving all the best
You know my hero, the one that's on

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary. 

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Catch You When You Fall

Take courage, dear heart, I'll catch you when you fall,
For I know too what it is like
When everything you knew, isn't real after all.

You're never alone. Look and see I'm here.
You don't even have to think,
I'll hold your hand, and you have nothing to fear.

Though wounded we may be, despite where we've been
Let's take that first step together,
Because it's here where the rest of life begins.  

I've missed you dear friend. I'm glad you're back in my life. 

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Misery is an option

Everything in me that is good is only God. 

Lately I've been feeling punched in the stomach, but to experience His healing like this is just such a joyful experience. I truly feel the spirit of God for the first time in a long time. I see my short comings and find them beautiful because by identifying them I am seeing what has separated myself from Him. It's nobody's fault. It was me turning my eyes from the Lord. And I'm just so excited to be whole and holy again. I pray that you can experience healing like this in life. I don't know God's plan for me or for you. I know what I wish could come true, but even if it doesn't, I feel I have surrendered that to God and I'm just excited for my future husband, career, music, and friends. Also I'm excited to see how He uses those together. I pray you, dear old friend, find this healing and know you are forgiven and set free in God. I do believe in love and I do believe that it will work out in the end, but I don't believe that (even in the darkest times... or what I thought were the darkest times) love dies. Maybe selfishness can win for a moment, but Love will win. I'm excited to love and to passionately love those around me.

I'm finally opening my eyes ... and all I can see is Grace. If only we could have seen Grace was there the whole time. Nothing can stand in the way of God's glory. 

I wish you every happiness 

Monday, October 13, 2008

Being more Nicole

Sometimes it takes a broken heart to see things clearly. 

I've given up so much of myself that I'm really looking forward to being who God created me to be. I'm looking forward to being healed and happy.

Here's to the journey 

Here I am Lord
Here is this soul
It is always only Yours

Here I am
Here where I know 
You are the true source of joy

Have this broken heart
Make it new
Teach me to follow only You

In the good and bad time
I will cry to Jesus
Thank You for loving
Thank You for saving
Someone like me 

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Things I don't know how to say

The one I thought was "the one" doesn't love me anymore. Simple as that.

I'm confused and hurt. 
I don't know if I believe in love.
I don't know if I believe in soul mates.
I don't know if I believe in promises.
I don't know if I believe in forever. 
I don't know if I believe that someone will ever love me. For real anyway. 
I don't what what I believe in anymore.

or i don't know if I believe his love is really dead. 

Love never fails? 
I don't know. 

Friday, October 10, 2008

Some late night thoughts on Socialism

I once heard someone say that if Jesus had a favored political system it would be Socialism because everyone is working for the good of everyone else and for one purpose.
I think that is true... in heaven. There we have one purpose and One person to serve. Easy. Done. 

However, when you factor in human nature/sin... it doesn't work that way. 
The whole entire point of this world is to CHOOSE what is right and what is wrong. Not to be told. God tells us what is right, but not once throughout the history of humanity has he forced anyone to do anything. 

So would Jesus want us to live in a society where we have no choice but to give to everyone and not to serve ourselves? Not to think of our family first, but our master? I think He would if it were that simple. We need to have the choice not to give, not to help, not to love... otherwise we are not only not able to give, help, or love in their truest forms... but we have lost one VERY vital ingredient, completely necessary to our existence on this earth: 


Not even God FORCES you to live or act a certain way. It's all about the freedom to choose your own life. So, when someone suggests that Jesus' favored political party is Socialism... I only have to say... I beg to differ. 

"Without the choice of love, one does not have the ability to love"
-Dr. Dolan