Friday, September 26, 2008

Always Winter, Never Christmas




So often I'm reminded by some of my Christian friends that when I'm struggling just to get by, it is only a season. Sometimes I appreciate this sentiment. I know deep down they are just reminding me that my pain or struggle is only temporary and will not only pass, but eventually be flooded away. However, sometimes I hate it because it feels like a dismissal. They don't know what it is like to trudge through the snow (figuratively), day after day, night after night, only to look back and see how your tracks have ruined a diamond white blanket of perfection. They don't know what it is like to have the wet cold soaked through your clothes and stinging until it burns. And as bitter as I may be about no one understanding my pain, what I am truly bitter about is not so much the cold, but that no one is there to bare it with me. I bare it alone. The guilt is mine alone. The cold is mine alone. I alone am numb.

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Oddly enough, when I think of a "season" that should pass, but feels far too long, I always think of a Relient K song called "In Like A Lion".  

It's always nice to look out the window
And see those very first few flakes of snow
And later on we can go outside
And create the impression of an angel that just fell from the sky

When February rolls around I'll roll my eyes
Turn a cold shoulder to these even colder skies
And by the fire my heart it heaves a sigh 
For the Green grass waiting on the other side

Cause when it's always winter, but never Christmas
Sometimes it feels like you're not with us
But deep inside our hearts we know
That you are here and we will not lose hope



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