Friday, September 26, 2008

Always Winter, Never Christmas

So often I'm reminded by some of my Christian friends that when I'm struggling just to get by, it is only a season. Sometimes I appreciate this sentiment. I know deep down they are just reminding me that my pain or struggle is only temporary and will not only pass, but eventually be flooded away. However, sometimes I hate it because it feels like a dismissal. They don't know what it is like to trudge through the snow (figuratively), day after day, night after night, only to look back and see how your tracks have ruined a diamond white blanket of perfection. They don't know what it is like to have the wet cold soaked through your clothes and stinging until it burns. And as bitter as I may be about no one understanding my pain, what I am truly bitter about is not so much the cold, but that no one is there to bare it with me. I bare it alone. The guilt is mine alone. The cold is mine alone. I alone am numb.


Oddly enough, when I think of a "season" that should pass, but feels far too long, I always think of a Relient K song called "In Like A Lion".  

It's always nice to look out the window
And see those very first few flakes of snow
And later on we can go outside
And create the impression of an angel that just fell from the sky

When February rolls around I'll roll my eyes
Turn a cold shoulder to these even colder skies
And by the fire my heart it heaves a sigh 
For the Green grass waiting on the other side

Cause when it's always winter, but never Christmas
Sometimes it feels like you're not with us
But deep inside our hearts we know
That you are here and we will not lose hope

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Finding my voice

Is there a self apart from language?
Is there a me apart from my voice?

I do not know indefinitely, but I am finding her. Or maybe she is finding me.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Never Let Go

If marriage could be expressed in a picture, I think this is the honest to goodness way most of us would like to see it. A beautiful, young, perfectly dressed couple, in the prime of life, running from a rose filled church to a getaway car that will drive far away to the land of happily ever after.

However, if I am correct, I think it more accurately would look like a picture of the same young couple, each in his and her own small boat, traveling down a river--held together only by the grasp of their hands.

No control of the outside world, no control of the current.

Just held together by the strength of their commitment to

Never Let Go. 

Monday, September 15, 2008

What is truly altruistic anymore...

1. unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others

If you love it, let it go free

I don't think I want to go to LA anymore
Not sure that I really ever could

I'm gonna steer clear
and burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw
and I'd die if I didn't see you there

So I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I think I'm gonna stay 
All the street lights say never mind
The sunset says, "We see this all the time
Never mind. Never you mind." 

Wherever I go
Whatever I do
I wonder where I am in my relationship to you
Wherever you go
Wherever you are
I watch your life play out like pictures from afar 

I'm gonna steer clear
and burn up in your atmosphere 
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if i saw you 
I'd die if I didn't see you there

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Thought of the day

It is so much easier to talk about God than to talk to Him sometimes. 
But why?

Just because I'm in the flesh
Doesn't mean You shouldn't have the best
from me

Even when my eyes are dry
Even when my soul is tired
Even when my hands are heavy
I will lift them up to You

It's not about how I feel
Lord, I am here for You
I exist FOR You

I will lift my voice
and make a joyful sound
Forget about me
I only get me down
Even though I cannot see
Doesn't me I shouldn't sing to You

Friday, September 12, 2008

Debate, Dissent, and Dialogue: "You Are Wrong"

I attended a very interesting convo this morning for the Belmont 2008 Humanities Symposium where a panel of "scholars" (and I use the term lightly because I haven't studied their credentials personally) discussed the idea or concept of "Debate, Dissent, and Dialogue". And, as much as I overuse the word "interesting", it truly was just that... interesting. 
At the beginning of the discussion, Dr. Bonnie Smith posed the question "Can you think of a time in your life where you have changed your mind because of debate, dissent, and/or dialogue"?  The first man, Dr. Daniel Frick discussed his changing opinion over time of Richard Nixon. From a young age and all through his college years, Dr. Frick had an unquestioned hatred for Nixon and long story short came to understand that his feelings for Nixon were unwarrented, after much study he soon began to understand both Nixon and his policies. 
The second man, Dr. Masood Rajaa, a self proclaimed liberal elitist, discussed the purchase of his second car, or rather a car for his wife. While walking through the parking lot, Dr. Rajaa's wife decided that she wanted a SUV. Now, as Dr. Rajaa put it, he and his wife were earth loving hippies who "don't" drive SUVs. However, after discussing the issue with his wife he came to see her point of view and saw that her confidence as a driver was shaken and she needed a larger vehicle to feel safe, he relented his position and purchased the SUV.
The third man, Dr. Michael Berube discussed his previously liberal standpoint and his anti-Reagan thoughts about the cold war. Dr. Berube discussed that while he perviously felt that many of President Reagan's policies (moving to arms specifically) was a horrible idea, but after "a decade" he came to see the Reagan policies as "genius".
Interesting and all valid discussions.  
Further into the discussion the panelists were discussing the issue of empathy and the importance of seeing (and maybe not always agreeing with) another person's point of view.
Now, while discussing the idea of empathy, Dr. Rajaa asserted that during the second Town Hall Debate between John Kerry and President George Bush were asked a question about abortion to which President Bush said something about it being wrong, and Kerry stating that he thought it was morally wrong, but he wasn't willing to say that someone wasn't allowed to do it.
Based on this statement, Dr. Rajaa stated that this made Bush and anti-intellectual and Kerry and intellectual because of his ability to see something other than his own opinion.
After hearing this, I had to sit for quite a while to collect my thoughts, but then I got up the courage to ask this question:

"Let's say there is something you KNOW IS WRONG, where would you, or would you, draw the line of debating with an individual on an issue. For example, if there were a man in this room advocating a second Holocaust, how hard would you work to empathize with him? And if you can't empathize, does that make you an "Anti-Intellectual"?


I think Dr. Rajaa's absolute silence spoke volumes.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Love makes the world go round


Today has been a very good day. I was asked to be a Belmont blogger and found out that I'll be getting an additional scholarship, which is (needless to say) wonderful news! God is so faithful! And, once again, He is showing me that the more I lean on Him, the better life gets. 

I feel so blessed to be at Belmont this year. It feels like I'm really getting excited and involved about everything going on on campus. I loved it. 

Being an RA is a little more challenging in a freshman dorm than it was in the Commons over the summer. As hard as it is to answer the same question one hundred times in a row and write people up for violations, I really do enjoy getting to know the girls on my floor and all of the Maddox/Wright kids. More than anything, as an RA, I hope that I don't just teach these girls where the Inman Health Science Building is, but show them what it means to be a Christlike example not only here at Belmont but for the rest of their lives. 

Not to mention, the Wright/Maddox staffs are absolutely wonderful. I'm really looking forward to our year working together and I really feel like I have gained some new sisters and brothers. It's wonderful and I love them all!

Also, my sister is a freshman this year and I love having her here! It's been wonderful as she transitions in life to be able to see here for ten minutes here and there without having to plan it and just discuss life/assignments/everything. 

All in all, I really think it's going to be a great year!