Monday, April 28, 2008

Have a little faith in me

I'm a hurting person. I always have been and no matter how great my life gets I always will be. 
After becoming a Christian, I'm realizing I'm still human and I'm still in this world. Being "saved" has nothing to do with never getting sick. Being "saved" has nothing to do with my short term happiness. Being "saved" doesn't make me a super-being that is suddenly invincible and incapable of sin. I wish it did, but it has nothing to do with that.

I know Christians always get criticized for being hypocrites. And most of us are--whether we're talking about real, genuine Christians or just those who claim to be Christians. Why? Because being "saved" has nothing to do with earthly perfection. Please, don't look at me. I am striving to be like my Father, but I fumble and fall everyday. 

Sometimes in an effort to try to atone for my sins I guilt myself into if I'm sorry enough then God will forgive me. I try to do nice things for people and have a loving heart. But I can't "feel" bad enough or "do" enough to make up for things I know I've done wrong. I know that God's love changes people and I try and try to share that. Why, then, do I get so frustrated when I try and try and try and try and feel like God is getting further and further away? 

However, sometimes in an effort to help myself and help others I forget...

It's not about me. I'm STILL in need of a SAVIOR. 

My works and my heart are nothing without my faith in Him. Without Him they are meaningless and hollow, for I am saved by GRACE, not works. 

"And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in Me" 

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

True Friendship

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in 
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
 i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done 
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Life and Lennon

I always have and always will tell the world that Paul McCartney and I are kindred spirits. I adore his genius and I think he is amazing...

But sometimes, it's not Paul, but only John who knows a feeling I wonder if many people know. 
It's so lonely, it's so overwhelmingly sad and lonely. It's deep and dark, but oddly illuminating. It's deeply connected to something intangible, unexplainable, and unreasonable. I never feel quite so lost and yet quite so found as the moment I find myself here. It is the feeling that values life and love above all and bleeds for those who do not value or know it. It's knowing things could be different if only everyone knew.

It's the feeling I get when I feel like people don't understand:
All you REALLY need is love


Words are flowing out like 
Endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass 
They slip their way across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
Are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
Dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a 
Restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as 
They make their way across the universe

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
Are ringing through my open ears
Exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which 
Shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

God is Love,
Nicole <><

Friday, April 4, 2008

My Hope Is You

If there is ONE thing God keeps teaching me over and over and over again is that I can't put my faith in other people. Not even myself. 

Sometimes I wonder why it is so hard to learn something so simple, so true, and so consistent... 

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

could you take me beyond?
Could you carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with you?
(For I've been here before,
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For WHAT do I have 
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter 
of my head
-By Starfield