Friday, March 28, 2008

If Only You Knew

This is my first attempt at poetry:

If only you could see
Everything I see
If only you could read between the lines,
I know you wouldn't do what you do
If only you knew
On your soul rests a stamp that reads "MINE".

It is signed by a King,
Maker of all things,
But most precious to Him is you.
We watch you wandering and groping,
While we're here waiting and hoping
Someday you'll see it's true.

You'll never be the same
Once you realize the rules have changed
And you, you have already won.
Worthy of love and respect,
A heart to protect,
Never again will you be undone.

We're waiting for you to smile,
Truly smile.
We're waiting for you to shine,
Truly shine.
But until then I'll watch you pretending 
Watch the signs you are sending,
Knowing you'd be different
If only you know
Your own worth. 

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

They Know Not What They Have Done...

In my life:
I've been stabbed in the back, betrayed, and lied to. I've been attacked by people I hardly know because of their own selfishness. I have cried myself to sleep because of someone's careless words or actions. I've sworn never to talk to someone because of the way they treat me. I've been really hurt by a lot of people in my life. In fact, I would say that to some degree and to some extent the majority of the people I know have done something to hurt of offend me. 

Also in my life:
I've lashed out in anger and pain. I've said things I didn't mean. I've tried to get back at someone. I've ignored someone. In an attempt to have someone understand my hurt feelings, I've gossipped. Even when my intentions were good, I've hurt people. 

It seems to me that the people we call our friends are the people who haven't hurt us. But, frankly, by virtue of the fact that they are people, they are capable of it. Sometimes it's a just a matter of time.  In Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller had a friend ask him if he was capable of raping someone, and even though it was difficult for him to admit it, he had to say, "Yes, I am capable of it."

I'm starting to see what sin means. It doesn't mean smacking your brother, lying to your coworker,  or even  killing someone.  Sin is a separation from God and God is Love... therefore, I think the real meaning of the word "sin" is losing your ability to love.

When Jesus cried, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they have done", He wasn't just talking about our everyday individual sins, no. He was talking about our inability to really love God and each other. 

So the next time someone hurts you, don't hold it against them. Forgive them, try to talk to them, and just remember we're all in the same boat... we're all human. I really believe that everyone tries their best just to make it though life and that if we all really understood the repercussions of our actions, we wouldn't do half of the things we do. However, maybe that's the point... maybe we don't know what we do...

Sunday, March 23, 2008

the grass is always greener on the other side of the pond

It's my not so secret dream to study abroad.
I'd love to go to France or England. I'd love to visit, but I'd really love to study there. The idea thrills me to the core. I can just imagine what it is like to take the train in Paris trying to get to class on time in a town where I don't know the language (very well) or anybody. I think trying to save my books and myself from the English rain or working on my laptop in a French Bistro would be a very fulfilling feeling. I've never met a stranger before and I would love either attempting to get over the language barrier or getting to know people who, while they are technically my peers, grew up in a world completely different from my own. I would love staying up late at night and just watching the cities die down. I've always wanted to use the train system in Europe. On the weekends I'd visit small places like Liverpool, Normandy, and Nice (one of the nicest people I've ever met was from Normandy). I'd want to see the grave of C.S. Lewis, Hyde Park, and the Big Ben. I'd want to see Versailles, the Eiffel Tower, and Notre Dame. 
I really want to experience everything... but that, frankly, I could do most of those things on any visit. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to just visit someday! 

It's just that I want to study there to prove that I can do it--to be away and by myself. 

I want to know what it's really like to miss home... or if I would. I know I would miss people... especially him. And, to tell the truth, it won't happen because I just can't afford it. But even if I could, I don't know if I'd be brave enough to do it. No, I take that back. I would go, but I don't know if I'd be miserable or happy. I'm sure it would help me appreciate who I've got here. 

Who knows, maybe God has something planned for me here instead, but I guess I'll just have to wonder what it would have been like and what I would have done. I know Jack Johnson said "Don't let your dreams be dreams", but sometimes I think some things are left better as dreams... who knows when you'll pave paradise to put up a parking lot. 

Love wins.  

Friday, March 7, 2008

Turning foes into forgiven friends

Used to be the smiter came
Struck my cheek and I cursed his name
Used to be my fist was drawn
My heart was stone and its mercy gone

I was wrong to breathe
Any words but these
Peace and mercy
Invade every soul that hurts me, I pray
Peace and mercy
Invade every soul that hurts me
Love my enemy
Love my enemy 
Like You loved me

Used to be I rolled the dice
Held the spear and broke your side
Water, blood, and mercy ran
Turning foes to forgiven friends

I'd be wrong to give
Any less than this

Peace and mercy
Invade every soul that hurts me, I pray
Peace and mercy
Invade every soul that hurts me I pray
Love my enemy
Change my enemy
Forgive my enemy Love my enemy
Like You loved me
-Shaun Groves
You know what I think the hardest part of being a Christian is?

It's the fact that we're still human.
It takes a lot of work being a Christian... a lot of hard work that sometimes...
We don't want to do...
Sometimes forgiveness, 
The very thing that Jesus is about,
Is what is hardest thing for us
Because we're STILL human


"Isn't it interesting that when we get hurt, 
we pray for justice,
but when we hurt someone else,
we pray for mercy"
-Mike Glenn

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Watching you die

"O Rose thou art sick
The invisible worm.
That flies in the night
In the howling storm:

Has found out they bed
Of crimson joy:
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy."
-Sir William Blake

I always feel that my writing comes off very macabre and cynical--which is odd because if you know me, that couldn't misrepresent my spirit and personality more. However, I think there is a soft side of me which watches from beneath the shade of my own soul, silently observing and grieving for the dying roses of the world. 
Something very interesting about this poem... notice the rose doesn't know it is sick. Someone had to tell it that it is not only sick, but dying. Clearly Blake wasn't talking about an actual rose, but about human nature. 
Isn't that just how life works sometimes? One thing leads to another. One small action justifies another, but sometimes when we walk life one foot in front of the other, constantly looking at our steps, sometimes we forget where our feet are taking us. 
I don't think Jesus was just talking about money when He said that we can only serve one master. We love one, and hate the other. Even if we don't claim to feel that way, often our lives do all the talking we'll ever need to do.  For there is someone else, someone besides God who would love to "love" a rose like you, but as you let him take you by the hand and learn to follow him and learn to love him, Satan's dark secret love, does thy life destroy. 

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" - Ephesians 6:12

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick" -Matthew 9:12, Mark 2:17, Luke 5:31